Gravity is Costing Me Money

let's talk about brasThis is probably a post that most men will not want to read and I totally understand if you leave this post right now and look for something more stereotypically sports related.  I absolve you of any guilt you may feel in that regard.

John and Angelika, May 3, 1986. Aren't we adorable?

John and Angelika, May 3, 1986. Aren’t we adorable?

Okay. My husband and I recently celebrated our 28th anniversary and as I was looking at our wedding pictures I was reflecting on how young and svelte we both looked. Those were the days. The days when gravity did not seem to affect my body other than to keep me tied to terra firma.

this is an actual ad, people, not a joke. they say truth is stranger than fiction but "life" bras?

this is an actual ad, people, not a joke. they say truth is stranger than fiction but “life” bras? Note the “beauty zone.” ahem.

I was about a size 8 at the time, probably weighed about 125 lbs and my bra size was a 34B. Sisters, this is no longer true. Depending on the brand I’m wearing, I’m more like a 10-12 now and weigh more than 150lbs. I don’t actually care all too much about weight and size in terms of appearance anymore. My weight concerns these days have more to do with health and blood pressure. But that’s not what this blog post is about.

really? sleep in? i haven't slept in a bra since i was nursing a baby. Egads.

really? sleep in? i haven’t slept in a bra since i was nursing a baby. Egads.

First came love, then came marriage, then came a baby in a baby carriage and THEN gravity started treating me differently. I always say I could be a centrefold for National Geographic. That 34B has turned into a 40 D. I know, right? And the cute, skinny-strap bras I used to buy for next to nothing at thrift shops just don’t cut it anymore (or rather they do cut, into my shoulders, that is.) No, the things I have to wear now resemble corsets or body armour and the word “cute” does not apply in any way.

yes, ladies. the ELECTRIC corset. how's that for a torture device?

yes, ladies. the ELECTRIC corset. how’s that for a torture device?

So here’s the thing. For years I’ve bought bras at thrift shops because I could always find something in my size – even when that size climbed to 36/38/C – in great condition and for cheap – $5 at most. But either I’m in a rare bra bracket or women who join me in the 40D category do not donate their bras to thrift shops. There’s TONS of bras in the teeny size, nearly all of them from La Senza, and quite a few in the much larger DD sizes to which I can only aspire.

bra-burning_freedomtrashcan

So what’s a cheap, thrift-hearted girl to do? I’d love to dig deep and pull out my inner feminist and have a good old-fashioned bra-burning but come summer – or whenever my Personal Chinook kicks in – the discomfort of sweat build-up beneath those sagging orbs puts a halt to any thoughts of lingerie-arson.

but again, what does one do come summer time?

but again, what does one do come summer time?

All that’s left to me is sales and I have been trawling these for quite a while. Last weekend I bought 3 bras and – even at the sale price – it came to nearly $100. Damn gravity! It’s costing me money!

one saggy boob jokeCan anyone out there relate? Better yet, does anyone have a solution I haven’t considered?

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6 Responses to Gravity is Costing Me Money

  1. Diane says:

    Sadly, you have found the only solution: keep an eye out for those sales. After I have worn my 34DD bras for a couple of years, NOBODY is going to want their stretched, thinned, saggy selves. And I don’t want anybody else’s. Just remember that the money you save by buying clothes secondhand is well-invested in good bras. Now how about them Spanx….?

    • I can always count on my readers to give me excellent advice! as for Spanx… I’ve always wanted to try that but haven’t. When my son becomes a famous movie director and I have to go to the Oscars – I’ll probably have need of such an item. (or i’ll just show up in a sweatshirt… tee hee!)

  2. Christina says:

    Haha… this was a funny one, Angelika!! Darnell even had a good laugh (the parts I read to him). Love the last picture 🙂 And I had no idea breasts can grow that much as you get older?!?!?

  3. Lady Demelza says:

    Well, you certainly have my sympathies, even if I’m not able to achieve empathy. I’ve always felt very deeply for the plight of large-busted women, and I’ve always been so grateful to have been blessed with a natural barely-A cup,even with a very curvy figure. They’ve filled out to a decent B now that I weigh over 100kg (220lb), but since I didn’t have children of my own, they’ve still doing a valiant job of holding out against gravity. I don’t need to wear a bra, and I never have as a matter of day-to-day wear. I have a few bras, and I consider them ‘dress-ups.’
    I thank God every time I think of it, for my small bust, but I’ve been surprised to realise how many women don’t feel the same way. I’m shocked at how many times in my life a woman has suggested to me that I could fix my ‘problem’ with a boob job.

  4. Amanda says:

    Ha ha! I feel the pain. Not so much with the sizing issue but being stuck in the pregnant/nursing/not nursing fluctuation of bra sizes. Seriuosly, a couple months go buy and its time for another bra. Really? I hate spending my (ahem, my husbands) hard earned cash on such silly things. I’m up for a bra burning!

  5. Sharon says:

    If you’re pretty sure about your size in a specific brand, you can always hit Ebay. I have a consignment shop in my town and because I frequent often, I can ask them to hold something and call me when something comes in such a denim jeans for my son. You can always ask:)

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